On the Purpose of Marriage: Part 2

To all the Saints,

In the first part of this discussion, we discussed why Christians get married. We introduced the image of a house and discussed the protective nature of the marital relationship. particularly from the Pauline perspective. In this post, we will consider various Biblical marriages. We will talk about real marriage and this is best understood through our house illustration and our attention to the space for good. 

We begin with Genesis 1:27-28,

“So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him, male and female He created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.’”

Here we have a slew of imperatives: be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, subdue it. Adam and Eve live in a world with a population of two. And, more than that, God has promised that Eve’s offspring will bruise the serpent’s head, and endure a bruised heel (that is, Christ will be crucified, but in His resurrection destroy the devil forever). The second person of the Trinity has not yet undertaken the incarnation to be born of the virgin Mary. Thus, Adam and Eve must be fruitful, because if they don’t there will be no people for God to redeem, nor will God’s plan for redemption be possible. Is that still true today? 

This is a common concern among many who wonder and worry about bringing life into the world. We need to pause a moment here to unpack the idea of “fruitfulness.” Clearly in view of this imperative is the act of sex. Sex, Biblically and historically, has a natural outcome – babies. In Eden, where there is no sin to corrupt the bodies of men and women, there is no boundary between an act and its natural outcome. Today, and as I will show you in the Scriptures, sin has corrupted the bodies of God’s people and pregnancy is a challenge, even an impossibility, for some. But does this mean they cannot be married? No. The command to fruitfulness is not centered in the product of sexual activity, but in the willingness of the sexual act to come to its natural outcome.

Let’s be clear about this: you can have all the sex you can handle, but only God can open the womb to knit together a child. What is commanded by God is a willingness to participate in this act of creation, even as God alone brings forth life. While it will not be a topic of this article, the intentional prevention or ending of pregnancy is sinful and entirely inconsistent with a Biblical worldview and faithful living. This basic Christian understanding of the value of life and the always-and-exclusively good nature of bringing children into the world is assumed in this article and all discussion of marriage. So, love each other as the Lord has given. Let the chips fall where they may. God’s purpose for your marriage is mutual companionship, built on Christ, protected from sexual sin, and with space for the growth of what is good. 

With that in mind, recall that the action taken by God in speaking these commands was to bless them, not to burden them. Yes, primarily the result of their particular multiplying is leading to Jesus, but also it is leading to their blessing, their family, their joy, their support in old age, their assistance in Adam’s labors, their assistance in Eve’s helping, and so on. Please, do not turn grace into a law. Children are not required of you, nor are they the ultimate purpose of your marriage. As the Psalmist says, “Children are a gift from God.” 

Before we speak of quiversful, let us consider Abram and Sarai:

“When Abram was ninety-nine years old the Lord appeared to Abram and said to him, ‘I am God Almighty, walk before me and be blameless, that I may make my covenant between me and you, and may multiply you greatly.’ Then Abram fell on his face. And God said to him, ‘Behold, my covenant is with you, and you shall be the father of a multitude of nations….’” (Genesis 17:1-4) 

“And God said to Abraham… ‘I will bless her, and moreover, I will give you a son by her. I will bless her, and she shall become nations, kings of peoples shall come from her.’ Then Abraham fell on his face and laughed and said to himself, ‘Shall a child be born to a man who is a hundred years old? Shall Sarah, who is ninety years old, bear a child?’” (Genesis 17:15-17)

Abraham was 99 and Sarah was 90. They would remain married until they died. And assuming they were married fairly young, not to be crass, but that’s a lot of time for sex. Now notice what God said, “I will bless…, I will give…” Abraham, and later on Sarah, both doubt and laugh at God, considering such a thing impossible because of their lifetime of experience. But Abraham and Sarah were called upon to trust the Lord, for the Lord alone could do what their marital embrace could not. They were not married in order to have children. Abraham loved his wife, just as Paul and Peter demand that husbands love their wives (Ephesians 5:25, 28-29, 33, Colossians 3:19, and 1 Peter 3:7-8). And, as the story goes, Isaac - the promised child - was a miraculous work performed by the hand of God. 

Abraham and Sarah are not alone in the struggle of infertility. Consider also Elkanah and Hannah. Hannah has no children, yet Elkanah loves her dearly, provides for her a double portion, and does not value her any less for her infertility. Hannah feels deeply wounded by her infertility. There is a lot of pain there. Hannah is in much need of love and blessing. And, as husbands ought, Elkanah goes to his wife and comforts her. He assures her that she has no reason to weep, that he has provided all that she needs, and that he intends to love and care for her even in death: such is the weight of being to her “more than ten sons.” In God’s mercy and timing, Hannah gave birth to the prophet Samuel. As was the case with Abraham and Sarah, it is by the hand of God that a miracle is performed. Not by Hannah’s stressing nor by Elkanah’s desiring. God provides Samuel as a gift to Hannah.

This brings us to Psalm 127, starting at verse 3: “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb, a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed in the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”

A heritage from the Lord and a reward. Not on obligation, not a guarantee. A reward, a blessing, and a gift from God which should be highly valued and treasured. You ought to desire a quiverful, blessed is the man who fills his quiver with children! Yet, this is a reward and a blessing. If you marry, you have a command to love your wife - fertile or infertile. If you marry, you have a command to submit to and respect your husband - no matter his sperm count. For, the husband takes the place of Christ. And, luckily for you, Christ presents you to Himself in splendor. Though he knows your sin, he calls you by name. Indeed, the Church does not consider Christ impotent because there is still pain and suffering in the world, but respects and obeys Him who has presented her to Him in splendor and wiped away her sin.

Children are an excellent blessing from the Lord. A marriage is not worth any less if the woman is too old to provide more than one or two arrows, or if the man cannot do his part for even a single arrow, or if the both are beyond child-bearing age as were Abraham and Sarah. What it means to be a man is to love your wife, as Christ loves the Church. What it means to be a woman is to respect and submit to your husband as the Church is devoted to Christ. Pray for children and trust in God, for He blesses His people abundantly. 

As we’ve stated above, marriage is built upon the mystery of Christ’s love for the Church, the foundation of your house. It is given for mutual companionship and serves to protect its participants from all manner of sexual sin. Even more, it gives space for the growth of what is good. These walls stand firm, and support the roof, which is your imitation of Christ and the Church in marriage. This is what God commands about marriage. A good and healthy marriage will often yield children, but they are God’s to give or not to give. Love one another and trust in Christ, for if you build upon the rock, your house is sure to stand.

Blessings to you all,
Pastor Jake Bellinghausen