On the Purpose of Marriage: Part 1
To all the saints,
Last time you heard from me, we took a very brief look at marriage in the Bible, and in particular we took a focus on the marriage relationship as a reflection of Christ and the Church, in keeping with Ephesians 5, and reflecting on Genesis 2. Over the course of the many video conferences with prospective matches, a couple of great questions have presented themselves: why to get married, and what should one expect from a real, marriage-minded relationship. These questions deserve some attention. We’ll deal with the first one today and the second in a separate post.
The question of “why” is a question of purpose. To tackle the topic of “why,” let’s draw a picture of a house. I don’t know about you, but my art education ended fairly abruptly after kindergarten. So, when I think of drawing a house, this is what I see.
Very simple. But when it comes to marriage, simple is good. We have a foundation, two walls, and a roof. In the first post, we made clear the foundation of marriage is the mystery of Christ and his love for the Church. Jesus and his love are the foundation of every marriage. What is the roof? We turn to Genesis 2:18. “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’” Remember, this is before the fall into sin. So, when God says, “It is not good.” It’s not in the sense that it’s bad for Adam (or anyone) to exist. What God is saying is that it is better to be together. There might be many reasons for that togetherness being better (Ecc. 4:9-12) but the main reason is the experience of the mystery of Christ’s love for the Church. The Small Catechism and other Lutheran documents have described this relationship as a “mutual companionship.” (Which really undersells the beauty of it.) That’s the roof. The foundation is what Christ has done for us and the roof is our imitation of our Lord in such companionship. What about the walls? These walls are protections that God uses to defend marriage. The first is a protection against sexual sin. We see this clearly in Paul’s writing to the Church at Corinth. Inside those walls, supported by Christ as our foundation, and with the goal of mutual companionship, we find a willingness to be fruitful. To say it another way, the walls seek to prevent evil in order to give space for the growth of what is good.
Without jumping the gun too much, remember God alone gives life. God alone is able to open or close a womb. The actual birthing of children is the domain of our Heavenly Father. The willingness to submit to his will in entering the marital relationship is an act of faith by God’s people which is why it’s one of the walls of marriage.
Let’s begin with the wall of marriage that protects us from sin. So, we turn to the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 7(:1-5):
“Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: ‘It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.’ But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer, but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
That seems pretty simple. According to the plain word of the Scripture, marriage is a means to escape the temptations to sexual immorality. This side of the resurrection, marriage functions to preserve sexual morality. It is a great gift from God - who is aware how few people He has blessed with the spiritual gift of celibacy - to allow you to indulge in and cherish sex morally and without sin.
The Apostle Paul writes (1 Cor. 7:6-9): “Now as a concession, not a command, I say this: I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another…” That is, Paul clearly understands that you, who are reading this because you are seeking a faithful spouse, are probably not a recipient of the spiritual gift of celibacy. He continues: “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
Again, very plain. It is good, not bad, to remain single if you are able. However, if you are lonely, lustful, or otherwise burning with passion, as Paul says, then it is better to marry. Why? Because God has graciously provided the estate of marriage as a gift and a blessing and as a way of escape from this temptation. Indeed, as a means of accessing Christ, who is the husband, and the Church, who is the bride. You get to experience in this life the estate into which Christ brings you in the resurrection: a glimpse at the glory and joy and comfort that is to come.
Continuing from verse 25:
“Now concerning the [virgins], I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that… I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”
So… why would you want to get married, if it is good not to get married? But as Paul continues,
“If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry - it is no sin! ... So, then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.”
Paul’s encouragement for the Corinthians is that marriage offers protection and a way to escape temptation to sexual immorality and sin, and that is way better than the alternative.
In part one we have discussed why to get married, particularly focusing on the first wall – the defense from sexual sin. In part two, we will consider what one should expect from a real, marriage-minded relationship as we look at various Biblical marriages and distinguish the blessed results of marriage from the purpose of marriage.
Blessings to you all,
Pastor Jake Bellinghausen
